


Evangelion X Godzilla Part III: King of the Monsters

by AlphaBeta17



Series: Evangelion X Godzilla [3]
Category: Godzilla - All Media Types, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Reinterpretation, Crossover, F/M, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25966963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlphaBeta17/pseuds/AlphaBeta17
Summary: In the conclusion to Evangelion X Godzilla, ancient forces will collide in an explosive battle for the fate of the world, and whether or not he wants to, Shinji must take part. Alongside Rei and Asuka, will he manage to defeat Ghidorah once and for all, or will Earth be destroyed?
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Ikari Shinji
Series: Evangelion X Godzilla [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708768
Kudos: 2





	1. Infant Island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize for the long wait in beginning this final installment of Evangelion X Godzilla. Following the completion of Part II, I ended up with a major case of burnout, and I walked away from writing for a few months. I've finally resuming writing, but I'm going to be moving at a much slower pace than I was before. I hope to have Part III finished by the end of the year, but I guess we'll see. If you're still here, thanks for continuing to read!

**February 29th, 2016**

Rei stared out across the stormy sea with a blank expression, which hid a level of turmoil that rivaled the waves she was watching. She gripped the railing of the aircraft carrier as the wind gusted around her, and the first few raindrops of a massive typhoon began to land upon the top of her head.

She knew that Misato would want her to retreat indoors, and she would. In a minute.

This cold, new world brought on by the Third Impact was merciless in many regards; first and foremost being the weather. What parts of the world weren't freezing cold were being constantly ravaged by violent storms.

The South Pacific was one of those places.

Rei was on an expedition with the Followers of Caesar to Infant Island. A recent burst of electromagnetic energy had been observed emanating from the island, and now, they were all on their way to investigate. Also onboard the repurposed Japanese aircraft carrier _Shikinami_ was Misato, Miki, Daisuke, Fuyutsuki, Ryoji, and of course, Asuka.

Both Eva Units 00 and 02, fully repaired, were currently crouched on the deck of the aircraft carrier, deactivated and waiting for their pilots, in case of an emergency. The _Shikinami_ was still three hours away from Infant Island, and anything could happen.

Swimming alongside the shipwas King Caesar, who had seemed wary of riding on the giant metal ship. Rei wasn't sure how the Followers of Caesar communicated with their liege, but it seemed to involve basic hand signals. Ultimately, she didn't really care. She was there to pilot her Eva and defend the world, that's it.

"Rei," a voice from behind her said.

Rei moved to face the redhead who was coming up from behind her. "Yes, Asuka?"

"Misato sent me to tell you to come back inside. This storm looks like a bad one, and we don't want you to get blown out to sea or something."

Rei mutely turned back to the sea. Asuka stared at her for a moment before shaking her head and walked up to the blue-haired girl, joining her at the railing and staring out at the choppy waves which stretched as far as the eye could see. She glanced at Rei, who was refusing to meet her gaze.

Asuka rolled her eyes. "You gonna keep ignoring me, or what?"

"I'm not ignoring you," Rei responded quietly. "I'll go inside in a minute. You're free to leave."

"You know that's not what I'm talking about," Asuka stated sardonically. "I mean about what I've been telling you for the past two months."

Rei knew exactly what Asuka was talking about. Ever since the Third Impact, the two of them had been battling monsters constantly side-by-side. Despite Misato's hesitations, given Asuka's betrayal with letting Gendo, Ritsuko, and Ryoji into Nerv, she hadn't had a choice in letting Asuka pilot again. With monsters roaming the already damaged world, attacking cities relentlessly, the Followers of Caeser had insisted that Asuka be allowed to pilot again.

Fighting together, and often aided by the valiant King Caeser, Rei couldn't deny that Asuka had changed for the better. Clearly, her experiences beneath Nerv had changed her. Finding out that her mother was trapped within her Eva, coupled with the knowledge of Rei's origins, had noticeably softened the girl. She was still blunt, and arrogance still filled her soul, but she was much less volatile now, and more likely to take other's feelings into consideration.

Their personalities were still as different as night and day, but the two girls had developed a mutual respect for each other. This did, however, mean that Asuka was pushing for Rei to be more sociable, which was something Rei had no great desire to achieve. She was content with resting at the stronghold of the Followers of Caeser in the Himalayas between missions, where Mari, and all of them, now lived. She would stay in her room and devour books, killing time until the next monster attack was reported, when she would be whisked across the world with Asuka to do battle in their Evas.

"You're still ignoring me," Asuka said, drawing Rei back to the present. The rain was getting noticeably stronger now, and the wind was starting to chill her skin. She raised her hand to her neck, touching her hair, which she had been allowing to grow ever since Gendo left Nerv following Godzilla's second attack. Now, coming up on five months later, it was the longest it had ever been.

"Asuka," Rei said slowly. "I'm perfectly fine with the amount of human interaction I participate in. You don't need to….worry about me."

"Ha!" Asuka let out a short laugh, shaking her head as her tone took on an exasperated note. "I'm not worried about you, wonder-girl. I just think you would be happier if you listened to my advice."

Rei let out a small sigh, turning to face Asuka. "I'm not like you," she said softly. "I don't desire the approval and respect of others. I just want to be left alone. Is that so strange?"

Asuka scoffed in response. "A little bit. You know, you've changed a lot since I first met you, but you're still as weird as ever. Go ahead and stay out here, see if I care. Just remember to tell Misato after you get a cold from this storm that I _did_ tell you to come in. I'm finally on good terms with her again, and I don't want to blow it." With that, Asuka turned and strode away, her long hair bouncing with every step.

Rei turned back to the sea. Asuka was right about one thing. She had changed. She was much more self-aware than she used to be, and did more than just what she was told to do. In many ways, she could be described as having become her own person. And that only happened because….

Her thoughts drifted momentarily to Shinji, and her expression darkened. What had he been doing for the past two months, ever since he disappeared? Where was he? Was he safe? Was he even still alive?

If he was, she wondered how often he thought of her. Whether or not he regretted leaving her, right when she needed him most.

Rei shook her head. She didn't need him. Not anymore.

Thunder exploded in the sky above Rei, and raindrops began to pelt the surface of the aircraft carrier with wild abandon. She sighed, and turned to head back indoors.

It was at that moment when something massive collided with the _Shikinami_ underwater, and Rei was thrown back against the railing as the ship rocked from the blow. Slightly dazed, she grabbed the rail to steady herself, only to immediately jump back as an angry sea serpent monster rose up out of the water.

With green scales, multiple horns, and a jaw filled with sharp teeth, it looked much like a traditional eastern sea dragon. It stared down at her for a second before letting out a roar, fury evident in its gaze. Rei didn't flinch as she stared up at it, knowing that if she tried to run, it could easily kill her before she escaped. So instead, she stood her ground, leaving the outcome to fate.

The monster reared back its head, but before it could strike, it was suddenly yanked to the side by a powerful force. Rei ran forward and peered over the railing, only to find the serpent tangling with King Caesar, whose muscular arms were wrapped around the serpent's body as it thrashed its way free, turning and smacking its adversary across the face with its long, slender body.

Alarms started to blare, and Rei turned to run towards her Eva. It was time for battle.

* * *

Rei's Eva jumped off the deck of the ship and dove into the water with a clean splash, despite the choppy waves and roaring rain. With powerful strokes, the biomechanical giant cut through the water towards the grappling monsters.

"Remember," Daisuke said over her Plug's loudspeaker. "This is a serpentine monster named Manda. This is its first known appearance. Its 150 meters long, so if it wraps around you, it _will_ crush your Eva."

"Then I need to free King Caesar," Rei stated matter-of-factly as she approached the two monsters. Manda was wrapped around King Caesar, whose powerful kicks were downright useless in the water. Out of his element, he needed help immediately.

Just before Rei could grab Manda however, alarms started to go off in her Entry Plug.

"What is it-" Rei was cut off as another monster slammed into her Eva. Flailing blindly, she managed to grab onto it just before it could bite down on her Eva's head. She got a good look at it, and recognized it immediately. She had faced it just a few weeks ago, off the coast of the Korean peninsula.

"Daisuke, let Misato know. Maguma is here."

Maguma, the walrus monster, let out a roar of anger right in the face of Rei's Eva. It grabbed the right arm of the mech and pulled it under the waves, where it could attack with ease. Rei managed to pivot her Eva so that she was on top of Maguma, and she carefully drew a Prog Knife. While she would've preferred to use her Katana, the water wouldn't allow her to use it properly, so the Knife it was.

Stabbing down, again and again, the water was soon filled with Maguma's blood. The walrus monster let out another roar, and powered by its incredibly strong tail, it rocketed to the surface with the Eva's arm still clenched between its teeth. Exploding out of the water, it rose up into the air, where time seemed to freeze for a moment.

Rei quickly took stock of everything going on around her. In mid-air, Maguma was turning so that Rei's Eva was positioned underneath it. King Caesar was still grappling with Manda, a look of fury on his face as he struggled with the serpent. The _Shikinami_ was sitting in the water nearby, with its entire arsenal primed and ready to fire if necessary. Asuka's Eva was cutting through the stormy sea with powerful strokes, coming to join the battle. And bearing down on the red biomechanical giant was another familiar sea monster.

Rei blinked, and time unfroze.

"Asuka, six o'clock!" Rei shouted, while simultaneously bracing herself for impact.

Asuka turned just in time to see the aquatic dinosaur monster Titanosaurus coming at her with an ear-piercing warble, while Rei grunted in pain as her Eva slammed into the ocean underneath Maguma.

"Shit! Not you again!" Asuka yelled in annoyance as Titanosaurus slammed into her Eva, momentarily stunning the girl. The two Eva pilots had battled Titanosaurus off the coast of Africa, and it had managed to give them the slip. Now, it appeared it was here to back up Maguma and Manda.

King Caesar let out a roar of fury, as he had grown to be quite fond of Asuka and her fearlessness in battle. Sinking his jaws into Manda's scales, the serpent let out a cry of pain and released him. Taking advantage of his sudden freedom, King Caesar powered through the waves to Asuka's Eva, wrapping his arms around Titanosaurus' bulky midsection and yanking it off of the giant red mech.

Asuka shook off her shock from the impact and let out a cheer. "Thanks!" She yelled out, before showing her appreciation by punching Titanosaurus in the face. The dinosaur warbled angrily, and using its giant paddle-like tail, it spun in a circle in the water, smashing Asuka's Eva across the face, and sending it flying.

"Help!" A voice suddenly rang out through the Entry Plug's speakers. Asuka turned in midair, and just before she impacted on the ocean surface, her eyes widened.

"Rei!" Asuka yelled helplessly. In one terrible motion, Maguma tore the arm off of Rei's Eva, spraying the ocean with blood, and drawing a scream of pain from the blue-haired girl.

Asuka cursed in German, and as soon as she surfaced from beneath the waves, she began making her way over to Rei and Maguma, confident that King Caesar could handle Titanosaurus by himself. Her forward momentum through the stormy sea was suddenly halted when Manda sunk its teeth into her Eva's ankle.

"Oh, come on!" Asuka groaned in pain, turning to grab the serpent with both hands. Grasping onto Manda's long body, Asuka managed to squeeze hard enough to force it to open its mouth, freeing her Eva's legs. Manda continued struggling, but Asuka tightened her grip on its slender body. With giant kicks, she desperately tried to swim over to Rei and Maguma, hoping she would get there in time. "Hang on, wonder-girl!" Asuka called out, Manda struggling to slip out of her grasp.

Rei managed to power through her pain to continue fighting off Maguma, swiping at it with the Prog Knife clutched in her remaining hand. She landed a particularly good swing, slashing across Maguma's head and taking out one of its eyes, leaving it blind to Asuka's approach with the thrashing Manda.

"Rei, try to hold that damn walrus still!" Asuka barked out, a crazy idea already fully formed in her head. Rei didn't respond, focusing instead on throwing her Eva at Maguma and wrapping the mech's arm and legs around the monster's body, holding it still for whatever Asuka had planned.

With a yell, Asuka looped a section of Manda's long body all the way around Maguma's neck, choking both monsters at the same time. With a pull, she tightened it, and the monsters starting squirming in agony. "Rei, now's your chance!" Asuka screamed, knowing this trick could only hold for a few more seconds.

Rei didn't hesitate, taking her Prog Knife and stabbing it directly into the top of Maguma's head, killing it instantly. Without missing a beat, she pushed off of Maguma's corpse and went straight for Manda, her Knife ready. With one giant swing, she sliced off the serpent's head, and the battle was almost over.

"Alright, now we just need to help…." Asuka's voice trailed off as both girls turned to find King Caesar gripping Titanosaurus in a vicious headlock. With a disgusting pop, the poor dinosaur's head was removed from its body.

Rei sat back in her chair and took a deep breath of LCL. The battle was over. They had won.

* * *

Asuka let out a sigh of relief as Infant Island came into view. They had finally passed out of the typhoon, and the sky was bright orange as the sun grazed the horizon. She glanced at Rei, who was sitting next to her, rubbing her shoulder where she had felt Maguma rip her Eva's arm off.

"How long does Miki estimate it will take for your Eva's arm to regrow?" Asuka asked.

"A few more hours," Rei responded. "I will admit, I didn't like the idea of Orga's DNA being a part of the Evas at first, but it's certainly proven to be useful."

"Well, duh," Asuka said wryly. "Ritsuko _was_ a genius after all. She just also happened to be an idiot who went along with the ideas of an insane maniac."

Rei went quiet at that. Asuka figured she had hit a nerve, so she tried to change the subject. "So. You think Misato will ever let Nerv unfreeze Orga's heart? I mean, I know that Absolute Zero tech is supposed to keep it alive indefinitely, but…." Asuka trailed off as she noticed that Rei was giving her a stony glare. The redhead rolled her eyes in exasperation. "What? I'm trying to be friendly, work with me a little!"

"Asuka," Rei quietly said.

"Yeah?" Asuka replied, annoyance flooding through her.

A rare smile crossed Rei's face. "Thanks for helping me out there."

Asuka blinked, not sure how to respond. "Uh, yeah. No problem."

"No," Rei said, sincerity filling her voice. "I was in trouble, and you came to my aid. You saved me. Thank you."

Asuka shifted uncomfortably. She wasn't used to sitting down and talking with Rei, whose utterly unassuming nature stood in stark contrast to her own proud personality. Still, she could appreciate that Rei was stepping outside of her comfort zone. It was just a few months ago that the two of them had been bitterly opposed (at least in Asuka's eyes).

"Well, consider it another apology for how I used to treat you," Asuka said with a shrug, trying to play it off as no big deal.

Rei's expression darkened, and she looked down at the ground. She hesitated before speaking, but determination filled her eyes, and she pushed ahead with her question. "Why did you stop treating me so badly? You used to hate me."

Asuka let out a small groan. She did _not_ want to talk about this. "I didn't hate you."

Rei arched an eyebrow. "That's not in line with how you acted," she responded.

After a moment, Asuka gave up. It wouldn't be worth it to try to lie to Rei. "Fine. I'll be honest," she said in defeat. "After I found out that not only is my own mom inside my Eva, that Ritsuko's mom is inside _your_ Eva, that those bastards twisted your body to look like Gendo's wife, did that same thing to a bunch of other girls, and killed your mother? How could I keep hating someone who's been through as much pain, if not more, than me?"

Rei didn't respond for a moment, digesting Asuka's words.

"Asuka," Rei began. "I don't-"

"Save it," Asuka snapped. "I don't want to hear it. These past two months have been hard, and I don't want to think about what landed us, and the whole damned world, in this sorry state."

Rei opened her mouth, but then closed it, apparently deciding to not push any further.

Footsteps came running up to the two girls, who both got to their feet.

"Ryoji," Asuka said with an air of caution. While he had explained his motives for going along with Gendo's plans, and apologized, she still viewed him with a sense of distrust. How could she not, after he tricked her into letting him, Ritsuko, and Gendo into Nerv?

"It's time," Ryoji said casually. "The island's still the same as it was the last time the Followers of Caesar were here, with one exception: a cave has opened up near the highest point of the island. It's almost certainly linked to the source of the electromagnetic burst."

Asuka grinned. "Alright. Let's see if these giant moths are worth all the fuss."

* * *

Rei, Asuka, Miki, Daisuke, Misato, and Fuyutsuki all stared in total shock.

"OK, what?" Asuka said in disbelief. The cave had turned out to be completely empty, and the group had been about to leave in defeat, when two women dressed in red suddenly materialized out of thin air.

"Unbelievable," Daisuke said as he rubbed his eyepatch. "Somehow, this is the strangest thing I've ever seen, and we live in a world of monsters."

Fuyutsuki sighed, and stepped forward, kneeling respectfully in front of the two women. "Greetings. I believe it has been a long time since you've seen mortal humans. Is that correct?"

" _Yes_ ," the tiny twin priestesses responded, their voices speaking in unison. They stood only 30 centimeters tall, and seemed to be giving off a soft, yellow light. " _We are known by many names, but you may call us the Shobijin. We speak for Mothra and Battra, the divine moths._ "

"You're kidding me," Asuka said. "They're real?"

" _Yes, Asuka Langley Soryu, they are real_ ," they responded together with a knowing smile.

"Ok, we don't have time for this," Misato said as she stepped forward. "I am-"

" _Misato Katsuragi. We know who you are, and we know why you are here._ " The Shobijin glanced at each, and their gaze shifted to one of concern, before turning back to the humans. " _You seek the identity of the King of the Monsters, which was spoken of in the texts written by the people who once inhabited this island._ "

"Yes, that's it!" Miki said as she jotted down every word the two fairies said. "You surely know about Ghidorah, and how he's going to unfreeze from his self-induced state on March 27th, less than a month away!"

" _We know. That is why we have chosen to reveal ourselves, for the first time in over a millennium._ "

"Well, it's King Caesar, right?" Asuka cut in. "We need to know how he can rally other monsters to fight Ghidorah!"

The Shobijin glanced at each, but this time, their gaze hardened. " _Only Mothra and Battra know such things. They will only reveal the secret to the King of the Monsters himself._ "

"Well, then tell Mothra and Battra to show themselves!" Misato said as she turned around, facing the exit of the cave. "King Caesar's right outside. We can-"

" _No,_ " the Shobijin said. " _King Caesar is not the King of the Monsters._ "

"What?!" Asuka shouted in alarm. "Then who is?"

Rei felt unease creep up her spine. Already, she knew that defeating Ghidorah was about to get a lot harder.

" _Godzilla. And since he has been compromised by the creature known as Evangelion Unit-01, will we need to speak to the pilot instead._ "

Everyone in the cave froze in shocked silence. It was broken by Rei uttering a curse word for the first time in her life.

"Fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In preparation for resuming writing, I reread the entirety of both previous parts of Evangelion X Godzilla, and to be honest, looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I'd done differently. I won't list them all here, but I will mention that I think I made Asuka way too unlikable, as my intention was never to villainize her, but she ended up becoming a very unlikable character. This was fun to write, so I kept going with it, but I think I overdid it a bit. This probably reflects my overall somewhat negative view of her character, and how I think that way too many people overlook her physical abuse of Shinji in the original anime. I personally think that she was very toxic towards Shinji, and so I dialed that up for my story. If anyone was put off by this, as I know she's a very complex character with a lot of fans, then I apologize.
> 
> I always planned for her to have a turnaround, which is why I had her go through everything she experienced in Part II, and I hope that her character progression here feels natural as a result.
> 
> I'm somewhat hesitant about moving forward, but I've decided to stop worrying about the quality of what's come before, and just focus on finishing this story that I came up with late last year, as I still feel very passionate about it, and I want all of you to be able to experience it in full, as it's supposed to be.
> 
> Ironically, this absence does mean that anyone who's been reading this story as it comes out will experience the same passage of time as Shinji has in-universe, with a couple of months passing with no contact with any of the other characters. We'll catch up with him next chapter, and see what he's been up to all this time.
> 
> Until then!
> 
> -AlphaBeta17 (8/17/20)


	2. The Boy Who Ran Away

**September 13th, 2015 (6 Months Ago)**

Shinji reached out his hand hesitantly towards the gravestone, almost like he was afraid to touch it. Etched into the white rock of the pillar that stood in an endless field with countless others like it, the name _Yui Ikari_ stared back at him. There was no birth date, or death date for that matter. Just like every other gravestone, it simply said the name of the deceased.

Shinji knew that his mother wasn't really buried beneath his feet, and that this was merely a marker that his father had commissioned in his mother's name, nothing more. Still, he couldn't help reaching out with his spirit, hoping desperately that he might feel some semblance, some lingering trace, of the mother that he didn't know.

He felt only emptiness, and despite the warm weather, he shivered.

"Your mother was a remarkable woman," Gendo remarked from several steps behind Shinji. "She was perhaps the only person who ever truly understood me."

Shinji felt himself involuntarily grimace. He held his mother in very high regard, and didn't like the idea of associating her with his father in his mind, despite the fact that they had been married.

"What was my mother like?" Shinji asked quietly. He didn't think his father would give him a straight answer, but it was worth a shot nonetheless. Despite working under his father as an Eva pilot for two months now, he had rarely crossed paths with the enigmatic man. It was as Shinji preferred, especially after his first real meeting with Rei just the previous week. He had seen her apartment, and he had gotten to see her frosty personality up close. He could almost still feel the sting of the slap she had given him when he had spoken against his father.

"Your mother," Gendo said slowly. "Was beautiful. Strikingly so. As soon as I met her, I knew that I had to pursue her. It took some time, but eventually, we began dating, and soon after, we were married. I can't say that Fuyutsuki ever approved of me, but I never cared what he thought. All I knew was that I had found someone as brilliant as I am, and in a world filled only with people who disappoint you, the existence of one who didn't was a miracle to me."

Shinji didn't respond, but internally, he wilted at the implication that he was one of the countless people who disappointed his father. It was to be expected, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

"Are there any pictures left of her?" Shinji knew what the answer would be, but he needed to hear it again to force himself to stop hoping.

"No. While we must remember the past, we mustn't dwell on it. If we cling to it, the past can destroy you, utterly and completely. I don't intend for that to ever happen to me, so I've focused on moving forward."

Shinji had no way of knowing it, but his father was lying to both his son, and to himself.

"I wish that I could remember her," Shinji said as he finally made contact with his mother's gravestone, the rough rock underneath his fingertips reminding him of a fate that could easily be his own in the near future. With only one monster fight to his name so far, the battle with Godzilla had been an agonizing, terrifying experience for the young boy, and the prospect of facing more monsters made him worry that he would break one day. For now, he was standing his ground, and not running away, but the urge to do so was still there, gnawing away at his mind with no sign of ever going away completely.

Still, there were reasons to not run away. Misato was counting on him, as was every other employee of Nerv. He was the only one who could pilot his Eva, so without him, the city, and all of its inhabitants, would be doomed. He thought about Mari, and how alone the small one-eyed kitten had been when he had found her. She had helped him get through the past couple of months, and he would never forgive himself if he left her behind, just like his father had left him behind.

He thought about Rei, the mysterious and quiet girl that he had struck up an odd friendship with. How she had protected him so easily from the bullies at school, and yet seemed utterly unaware of so much of the world around her, walking through life in a complacent, obedient daze. He couldn't leave her either, or she would lose perhaps the first friend she had ever made.

He thought about his mother, and how much she must have loved him. She would have wanted him to keep fighting, and to never give up. No matter what Gendo said about her, Shinji hoped that she would have been proud of him.

Gendo checked his watch, and turned to leave, signaling with a hand wave for the helicopter pilot to start the aircraft up.

"Father," Shinji suddenly said, turning and standing up, facing the imposing man head-on. He balked initially, but his desire for human connection gave him the courage to try to connect with the man he never knew. "Thank you."

Gendo stared at Shinji for several seconds, his gaze hidden behind dark sunglasses. Then, he turned and walked to the helicopter, opening the door and climbing into it, pointedly ignoring his son.

Shinji let out a sigh, but just before he could leave, he noticed a familiar face watching him from inside the helicopter. Her red eyes and blue hair were instantly recognizable.

"Rei!" Shinji called out, raising a hand in greeting and putting on a small smile, trying to be friendly. Rei stared back at him, but didn't respond, and within seconds, the helicopter door slammed shut with a certain finality that Shinji didn't understand, cutting her off from him.

* * *

**March 13th, 2016**

Shinji ran his fingers through his greasy, unkempt hair as he gazed across the valley he had called home for the past couple of months. Wrapped in a coat, and with a scarf covering most of his face, he swept his eyes over the small, snow-covered village where he worked as a garbage collector, earning just enough money to pay for a small shed on the edge of town to keep him out of the elements. He never spoke unless he was spoken to, and went mostly ignored by the several hundred other inhabitants of this small mountain village.

It was exactly as Shinji wanted it to be. He preferred to be left alone, as anyone who got too close to him would quickly discover that he carried a layer of baggage around with him. Self-loathing and apathy dominated his demeanor now, and the thing he feared most was his fellow townsfolk discovering his past as an Eva pilot.

Shinji shivered, and not because of the cold air surrounding him. He woke up almost every night on the verge of screaming, the memories of the horrors he had witnessed in Tokyo-3 coming back to haunt him, and to remind him of his utter failure. How he had failed to stop Ghidorah. How he had failed to protect the world.

How he had abandoned those he loved by running away.

Shinji blinked back tears. Even now, two and a half months after running away, a small part of him wanted to return to his friends. To Rei, to Misato, heck, even to Asuka. To beg their forgiveness and offer to help in any way he could. What news he had heard filtering in from the outside world seemed to indicate that Nerv had been crisscrossing the globe, fighting monsters on a near-daily basis. Ghidorah's arrival on Earth hadn't just resulted in the world becoming an ice-ball; it had also turned it into a world of active monsters.

But whenever Shinji considered going back, leaving this small town where he was a nobody, and nothing was expected of him, he remembered what he'd have to do. He'd have to join the fighting, and pilot Godzilla.

Shinji felt like vomiting at the thought. The last time he had entered Godzilla, he had been forced to face the reality that his mother was the soul of Evangelion Unit-01. A blood-thirsty monster that had forcibly fused with Godzilla, creating an unholy being that not only had the power to end the world, but had come damn near close to doing so.

Then, there was what he had discovered about Rei.

Shinji reached up and carefully removed the scarf that covered his face, revealing the multiple long scars that remained from when he had torn his fingers into his own flesh. Driven close to insanity by the knowledge that his parents had taken Rei's body and twisted it into becoming a near-perfect replica of his mother's body, he had inflicted such injuries upon himself in a crazed attempt to kill himself. The physical pain had been only minor compared to the emotional torment he had gone through, but it had left a clear physical mark on him that he couldn't help but feel shameful for. In his mind, he saw it as proof of his weakness, and he never wanted Rei to see what he had done to himself.

And yet….a small part of him still wanted to return.

Shinji let out a resigned sigh. He couldn't deny that he missed Rei dearly, but to him, it seemed to be for the best that he would never see her again.

_If I go back….I'll only bring everyone more pain. I'm a failure, and they don't need me anymore._

Shinji just hoped that Mari was being well-taken care of. The small, one-eyed kitten he had discovered all those months ago would now be well on its way to adulthood, and he hated knowing that he had abandoned her. Just like his father had abandoned him all those years ago.

_I'm no better than my parents. All three of us….we're monsters._

* * *

**October 5th, 2015 (5 Months Ago)**

Shinji stared longingly at the empty desk in front of his, its usual blue-haired occupant absent for yet another private test with Ritsuko.

_I wish Rei was here. Ever since we defeated Anguirus, Baragon, and Varan together last week, it's like we have this invisible bond. I want to spend as much time with her as I can, and when I'm not with her, I miss her. This is weird. It's almost like…._

Shinji mentally shook his head.

_No, don't think like that. We're just friends. That's it. That's all we are, and that's all we ever will be._

The bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. With a sigh, Shinji made his way out of the classroom and down the hallway, exiting the school building and beginning the walk home.

"Hey look, he's alone today!" The voice came from behind him, and when Shinji turned around, he found himself face to face with several of his classmates, who looked ready for a fight.

Shinji groaned in frustration. His status as an Eva pilot was once again proving to be the bane of his existence, with the resentment from his classmates for the collateral damage inevitably done in each monster attack boiling over into violence. He'd been left alone by the bullies ever since Rei had fought them off, but with her absence having not gone unnoticed, he was left in a vulnerable state.

"Come on, guys," Shinji said weakly. "I don't want to fight you. I do enough fighting against the monsters as it is."

"Yeah, and you keep wrecking our city," one of them responded.

"That albino bitch isn't here to protect you now," another one sneered.

Shinji's eyes narrowed. "Hey, don't talk about Rei like that!"

The group looked at Shinji in surprise, before one of them stalked over and got into Shinji's face, staring him down with a threatening look. "And the coward finally speaks up! Care to repeat that sentence?"

Shinji flinched, but compared to the monsters he'd recently faced, these kids weren't nearly as threatening. After several moments, he took a deep breath and raised his head, locking eyes with his classmate. "I said," Shinji said as bravely as he could. "Don't talk about Rei like that."

When the attack came, Shinji saw it coming. But it wasn't the incoming fist of an angry teenager. Instead, for a brief instant, a giant monster's gaping maw was lunging for Shinji's head. Reacting instinctively, he dodged to the side and maneuvered himself around the larger boy, sticking out a leg for the surprised bully to trip over. With an unexpecting yelp, the boy went down.

Shinji's classmates gasped in shock as Shinji narrowed his eyes and slammed his foot down on the bully's back, pinning him to the ground. But he wasn't a fourteen-year-old boy anymore. Instead, at least in Shinji's mind, he was back inside the mechanical beast he had no choice but to pilot, and pinned under his foot was a giant monster.

At that moment, Shinji felt a taste of triumph, and self-confidence. Later, when he told Rei about the incident, he was embarrassed, and uncomfortable that he had fought back against his classmate. When Rei softly smiled, he nervously laughed, and asked why she thought it was a good thing that he had fought.

"You fought because they spoke poorly of me," she said quietly. "It….proves that what you said to me after the battle with the three monsters was true. You care for me. It...feels nice to be cared for."

All Shinji was able to do was furiously blush in response.

* * *

**March 13th, 2016**

Shinji rubbed his hands together for warmth before picking up the first of several trash bags sitting on the ground behind the small apartment building, hoisting it up and into the cart he dragged back and forth around town. It was a physically demanding job, and one he barely had the physical strength to do. Still, it was preferably to attending the local school, where his noticeable effort to keep his face covered had not gone unnoticed by the other students. So far he had managed to keep his scars hidden, but it was only a matter of time before his sorry physical state would inevitably be revealed.

As he grunted from the effort of lifting each bag, Shinji wished that he still had his SDAT player. The 26 songs on the tape had helped him through many struggles in the past, but he had left his beloved device at Rei's apartment before the battle with Ghidorah. Now, it was surely crushed under the flattened remains of Tokyo-3, never to be retrieved.

Out of nowhere, a punch to Shinji's gut knocked the wind out of him. As he fell to the ground hard, he reflected that it had been a while since he had listened to music.

"Hey, garbage-bitch," the young man who had just hit Shinji snarled. He was about 17 years old, and towered over the thin boy. "You're late again. How are you this shitty at your job?"

"I'm sorry," Shinji said despondently as he tried to gather up the remaining trash bags.

"Yeah, you better be sorry," the young man said as he picked up Shinji and stuffed him into the cart, pushing him down until Shinji was gasping for breath behind his scarf. "Why did you even come to this town? You showed up out of nowhere a while back, and now you just slink around town like a rat, collecting everyone's trash. Did your parents kick you out when they realized you were a disappointment?"

Shinji wilted as an image of his mother and father appeared in his mind, standing over him with cruel sneers and taunting him for his failures. He stopped struggling against his aggressor, and for a moment, wondered if it would be a relief to die here, in an alleyway, at the hands of yet another person who seemingly hated him for the crime of existing.

The young man rolled his eyes and released Shinji, standing back with a look of disgust on his face. "What, you won't even try to fight back? How pathetic are you?"

Shinji coughed as he sat up slowly, his joints aching in pain. "I'm not worth fighting for," he mumbled under his breath. "I'll just take your trash, and I'll go."

The young man scoffed. "OK, loser. Suit yourself." As he turned to head back inside his home, he stopped and glanced back at Shinji with a condescending look. "Cowardly piece of gutter trash. This is all you'll ever do, and you're not even good at it. Want my advice? Throw yourself off a cliff, so this town doesn't have to put up with you for the rest of your useless life."

* * *

**December 26th, 2015 (3 Months Ago)**

Standing next to his blue-haired girlfriend, overlooking Tokyo-3, Shinji blushed as Rei wrapped her arms around him, enveloping him in a warm feeling that made him forget about Godzilla, Asuka, the Evas, and his father. He was still getting used to the fact that he and Rei were….

_Dating? Wow, I still can't really believe it. I mean, I told her how I felt two nights ago, and she kissed me in return, but it still feels like a dream._

"Hey, Rei?" Shinji asked as the orange sky gradually darkened. They would have to start the walk home soon, but for now, they would enjoy the view, and each other's company.

"Yes, Shinji?"

"I….well…." Shinji couldn't help but smile as memories of the past two days flooded his mind. How he and Rei had spent the entire previous day together, eating strawberry shortcake together, going on a walk, and ending the day with the surprise gift of a cello. Then today, it had been a repeat. Ignoring Misato's orders to come to Nerv for more training, the two had wandered the still-standing parts of the city together. "Thanks for everything. Yesterday, I mean. You didn't have to get me anything, but you did. You remembered that I had told you that I used to play the cello, and that I missed playing it. Just….thank you."

Rei grinned as she squeezed Shinji harder, and he returned the gesture.

"But now, I need to get you something," Shinji said kindly. "Is there anything you want that I could give you?"

As Rei pondered the question, her brow furrowed slightly. After a moment, she looked at Shinji with her red eyes, warmth bubbling beneath the surface.

"Kiss me again," she said matter-of-factly. "I enjoy it when you do that."

Shinji furiously blushed, but he leaned in and pressed his lips to Rei's. For someone so deprived of human contact for her entire life, Rei seemed to relish every time she touched Shinji. The emotional connection that the two had formed had brightened both of their lives, and Shinji knew for certain that this mysterious, kind, and sincere girl had stolen his heart. He also knew for certain that nothing could ever make him run away now. Not when he had someone he loved so dearly.

* * *

**March 13th, 2016**

Shinji took off his scarf and ran his fingers down his face, feeling the rough scars left from his self-harm spurred by his mental breakdown inside Godzilla. He was alone inside of his little shed, and in the cold darkness, illuminated only by a single lightbulb, and warmed only by an old space heater, he allowed himself to feel again.

_Rei….I'm so sorry. I left you, both you and Mari. I left everyone, and I can't come back now. I'll never see you again._

_You're better off forgetting about me._

Shinji squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in his hands. Wracked with guilt and self-loathing, he began to sob.

_Why am I so pathetic? Why am I so worthless? Everyone I touch, I end up hurting. Just like my parents. I deserve to be beaten up. I deserve these scars. I deserve to be alone._

As Shinji sunk lower and lower into his misery, his thoughts were broken by the sound of knocking on the door to his shed. He took a ragged breath and got to his feet, wrapping his scarf around his face and moving to the door.

_Deep breaths. Don't let anyone know what state you're really in. You'll only get hurt that way._

Shinji opened the door, and his eyes widened in shock.

"Hello, Ikari," Rei said with a neutral, unreadable expression on her face.

_No. Please, no. I can't do this. This is too much. I….I…._

Shinji stood frozen in place for several agonizing seconds, before he desperately shot out of the doorway, brushing by Rei with an electrifying jolt.

Shinji ran off into the dark, frigid night, leaving his former girlfriend standing alone once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is definitely a real downer, and I apologize for that. As someone who's struggled with similar feelings to what Shinji is dealing with now in the story, I based Shinji's internal thought process on my own experiences. I'm not sure how it turned out, but I hope that in terms of the story, it shows just how far Shinji has fallen.
> 
> I kept hitting a barrier with this chapter as I attempted to write it over the past several weeks. I knew what this chapter needed to do (reintroduce Shinji, and examine his lonely mental state), but I was having trouble getting it just right. Finally, the idea to intersperse the chapter with flashbacks to previously unseen moments came to me, and it was the piece of the puzzle that I needed to complete the chapter. By showing where Shinji was in comparison to where he is now, I was able to contrast just how much he's regressed, and without it, I don't think the chapter would work nearly as well.
> 
> For those curious, the first flashback, set at Yui's grave, is set between chapters 5 and 6 of Part I. The second flashback, where Shinji stands up for himself, is set between chapters 8 and 9 of Part I. The final flashback, where we see Shinji and Rei together as boyfriend and girlfriend, is set between chapters 6 and 7 of Part II.
> 
> Sorry for the wait, and I'll try to finish the next chapter a little more quickly!
> 
> -AlphaBeta17 (9/14/20)


	3. Painful Reunion

**March 13th, 2016**

Darkness flew past Shinji as he ran headlong into the night, utter shame coursing through his body as he gave in to one of the most basic impulses of the human spirit.

Fear.

_I can't let her see me. Oh god, don't let Rei see me like this. How did she even find me here?_

Shinji's world was falling to pieces as the precarious, miserable life he had built for himself came tumbling down in a shattering cacophony of heartbreak and failure. He had run away from his past, but here it was, in the form of someone he had irrefutably hurt, coming back to haunt him, and in doing so, forcing him to face his crimes.

_I ran away, like the coward I am. I let everyone down. I let the world down. Why won't everyone just leave me alone? I didn't want any of this. I didn't want to be a hero. I didn't want to protect the world. I just wanted to be left alone, yet even that simple request couldn't be fulfilled. I was made to be someone I'm not strong enough to be, and at the moment I was needed most, I failed._

_I failed, and I ran away._

A hand suddenly shot out of the darkness and grabbed Shinji's wrist, bringing the boy to an abrupt halt. Letting out a terrified scream that was lost to the dark forest around him, Shinji thrashed furiously, beating his fists against his attacker, whose familiar long purple hair-

_Wait. What?_

"Misato?" Shinji said with a gasp.

Misato's gaze was hard, but at the sound of Shinji's terrified voice, she visibly softened. "Hey, Shinji," she said kindly. "It's been a while."

Shinji stood frozen for several moments, staring at Misato in total shock. Lit only by the soft paleness of the moon, she looked tired. The kind of tiredness where someone could feel their vision blurring, and their mind constantly slipping away from reality. To Shinji, it looked like Misato was on the brink of collapse, but she was still standing tall, Shinji's wrist held firmly in her grasp.

_Misato…._

Shinji felt his throat constrict as he weakly tried to pull away again, but Misato just shook her head softly. She stared at him sadly as tears began to form in his eyes. He looked away ashamedly, but she gently pulled him to her and wrapped her arms around him. As Shinji felt the warmth of another person for the first time in months, pushing back against the frigid air of this hostile new world, he felt a warmth in his chest begin to form, and it was too much for him.

"Shinji," Misato whispered. "You don't have to keep running."

With a desperate, gasping sob, Shinji buried his face in Misato's neck and began to weep, only vaguely aware that he was now tall enough to do so.

* * *

Misato watched carefully as Shinji turned away from her and slowly took off the scarf that concealed his face. She had let him cry for a good ten minutes, but now, she needed him to face both her, and reality.

_He's even worse off than I imagined. I don't want to force him to do anything, but right now, the world needs him. Again. And if he refuses, then we'll all be destroyed._

Shinji exhaled slowly, his breath appearing in front of his face as a murky mist that was only barely visible in the darkness. He turned around, his eyes downcast as he revealed his face to Misato, who couldn't contain a small gasp.

_Oh my god. What happened to him?_

"Shinji…." Misato said as she reached out and tenderly laid a hand on Shinji's face, feeling the long scars that were etched into his flesh. "I'm….I'm so sorry. What happened?"

Shinji hesitated before responding, and when he did, it was with a shameful shiver. "I did this. To myself. When I was inside of Godzilla, my mother spoke to me. Misato, she's alive." Shinji's voice cracked, but he didn't stop, even as he collapsed back into Misato's arms as he relived that horrifying day. "My mother's alive, and she's inside Eva Unit-01. My father wasn't lying. She's alive, and she twisted Rei's body to be a copy of her own. She's….she's…."

Shinji couldn't finish his sentence, dropping off into silence as Misato let out a low sigh.

_He knows then. During the battle with Ghidorah, his mother finally revealed herself to him, and it was too much for him._

"Shinji," Misato began softly. "We can't take responsibility for the crimes of our parents. You had no control over them. They chose to act of their own accord, and now we have to live with the consequences."

_Like my own father, and his involvement with triggering the Second Impact._

Ever since learning the full truth, Misato had begun to wonder what would have happened if her father hadn't disturbed Ghidorah's organic beacon in Antarctica. If he hadn't, then the Second Impact would never have happened. He, and billions of other people, would still be alive. The Eva program would never have been formed, and Shinji would still have both parents. Ghidorah would never have come to Earth, and-

_No. I can't think about the what-ifs. I've driven myself crazy enough with leading Nerv as it is. Just focus on what you're here to do._

"I won't hide my intentions," Misato said heavily. Shinji stiffened, and Misato hesitated, before exhaling slowly and continuing. "A few weeks ago, on an island in the South Pacific, two small priestesses known as the Shobijin were discovered. They speak for the ancient divine moths known as Mothra and Battra. They claim to know the identity of a prophesied 'King of the Monsters' that will lead the monsters of Earth into battle against Ghidorah, who is set to unfreeze from his self-induced hibernation on March 27th, just a couple of weeks away."

Shinji didn't respond at first, silently digesting Misato's information. As she stared down at him, she took stock of his ragged physical appearance. With long, greasy hair, and dark circles under his eyes, it was apparent that Shinji had not been taking care of himself. Despite herself, Misato couldn't help but worry about whether Shinji could pull off what she was about to ask him.

"What do you need me for?" Shinji mumbled, sounding like he already knew what Misato was going to ask. She let out a sigh before answering.

"The Shobijin say that Godzilla is the King of the Monsters. However, because your Eva forcibly fused itself with Godzilla, they say that they'll need to communicate to Godzilla through you, the pilot of Evangelion Unit-01. Shinji, I know this is too much to ask of you. But we need you to come back. You need to pilot Godzilla again, and this time, you'll have to guide him as he leads other monsters into battle against Ghidorah."

Shinji drew in a breath, and Misato could tell that he was about to start panicking. She grabbed Shinji in a hug and drew him to her as he began hyperventilating. Not for the first time, she wondered if this was what it was like to be a parent.

_I hate that he has to be the one to do this. When I first met him, I looked down on him, but now, whenever he expresses his fear, I just want to protect him. It was a mistake to push him to pilot the Eva in the first place, and then after he was freed from the fusion of Godzilla and Eva-01, it was just wrong of me to be so hard on him. He grew so distant from me, so much so that I didn't even notice that he started a relationship with Rei around Christmas. Then, Ghidorah attacked, and in the carnage, he failed, because how could he have succeeded? He's just a kid, and when he found out that his mother was alive, and what she and his bastard of a father had done to Rei, it's no wonder he freaked out and ran away._

Listening to Shinji's quick, scared breathing, as he began to mumble under his breath, Misato felt a wave of pity sweep through her.

_Damn it all. I don't have a choice._ He _doesn't have a choice. He has to come back. The world depends on it._

"I know this is too much to ask of you," Misato said quietly. "I know how much you don't want to do this. These past two months, you have no idea how much I've missed you, the same way I missed you while you were trapped inside of Godzilla. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt again."

Shinji pulled away from Misato, and she stared at his frightened face, bearing the scars of self-inflicted wounds. Her heart twisting in her chest, for a brief moment, her mind flitted about, trying to figure out what to do.

_I don't know what to do…._

"But Shinji. This is bigger than you or me now. I don't have the luxury of keeping you safe."

Shinji turned his gaze downward, and Misato reached out, cupping Shinji's face in her hand and turning him back towards her. She gave him a hard stare as she came to her decision.

_Screw this. Screw this messed up world._

"I'm not going to force you to come back," Misato said with a sense of finality.

After a moment of stunned silence, Shinji opened his mouth in confusion, his words coming in halted bursts. "Wha...what?" Shinji croaked out. "But….I thought you- you were, here, to…."

"No," Misato said as she softly shook her head. "I'm _asking_ you to come back. No. I'm _begging_ you to come back. If you don't, then Ghidorah will awaken in a couple of weeks, and he'll proceed to destroy every last one of us, and our planet with us."

Misato knew that what she was about to say next would be incredibly manipulative, but it was still true. The world was running out of time, and couldn't afford to wait for Shinji to be ready.

"You have an important choice to make, Shinji. If you choose to sit this battle out, I'll leave right now. You'll never see me, Asuka, or Rei ever again. You'll spend your last weeks alone and depressed, just like I think you've been the past two months. Tearing yourself apart with guilt and self-pity, you can wallow in your lonely misery while the rest of us try to keep this world from ending. Without you, we'll fail, and every single one of us will die."

Shinji shuddered, and Misato took a deep breath before plowing ahead. She could get through to Shinji. She had to. Everything depended on it. He ran from Rei, so if she failed here, then it was all over.

"Or, you can come back. You'll face pain and suffering. You'll be hurt, both physically and emotionally. But through it all, we'll be here with you. We'll stand with you, and if we fail, and Ghidorah annihilates us, then at least you'll die standing side-by-side with people who love you."

Shinji looked up at Misato as disbelief flicked across his face. Misato nodded grimly. "Oh, yes. I love you, Shinji. I apologize for how terrible I am at showing it, and how alone you must have felt all this time. But…."

Misato hesitated for a second, not sure if she truly wanted to reveal this most personal of secrets to Shinji.

_Fuck it. Next to Pen Pen, he's the closest thing I have to family._

"As a side-effect of my proximity to the Second Impact….I was rendered infertile."

Shinji looked down, uncertainty written across his face as Misato took a shuddering breath and continued.

"Shinji, I never thought I would ever get to have a child, since there was no way in hell any sane social worker would let me adopt. But then, you came along. You drove me crazy, especially at first. I just wanted you to stop moping around and grow a spine, but that isn't who you are. You're a soft person, Shinji, a kind person, and maybe I had to learn how that isn't necessarily a bad thing. You're not perfect. Far from it. But you're you, and while I wish that you never had to pilot that damn Eva, I'm glad I met you."

Shinji didn't react the entire time Misato spoke, his face remaining neutral and passive. Misato had no idea how he would respond, but she was tired of pretending that she didn't feel things for those around her.

_If the world's about to end, then why spend it alone?_

"Misato, I…." Shinji looked like he had no idea what to say or do. Misato understood perfectly why. What she was asking of him was an impossible task, and would require him to re-enter a world he clearly didn't want to return to. Nonetheless, she was trying anyway.

But it wouldn't be just up to her.

"Shinji, before you make your decision, you need to talk to Rei.

* * *

Rei kept her arms by her side as she watched the two approaching figures draw closer and closer to her, the harsh light of the streetlamp slowly illuminating their every step. The taller of the two figures had her hand on the shoulder of the shorter one, whose head was downturned and shadowed in darkness. Rei's gaze instantly snapped to him, and despite herself, she felt her pulse quicken.

_I was right. He is slightly taller._

"Rei," Misato said as she came to a stop in front of the girl, Shinji refusing to look in Rei's direction. "I'm going to leave you two alone now, okay?"

"That's fine," Rei said curtly, not taking her eyes off of Shinji.

_Why won't he look at me? Am I….really that repulsive to him now?_

Misato looked back and forth between Shinji and Rei a few times, before letting out a low sigh and patting Shinji's shoulder. She leaned over and whispered something in his ear, before turning and walking away into the darkness, leaving the two teens alone together.

Silence ensued. Filled with both awkwardness and fear, neither Rei nor Shinji wanted to be the first to break it. They had filled each other's thoughts so much in the past several months, and now that they were finally reunited, neither knew what to say. It wasn't until gentle flakes of snow began to softly drift to the ground, surrounding the two with the white glow of cold beauty that Rei finally spoke.

"Ikari," Rei said, her voice barely a whisper. Shinji jolted at the sound, and when he raised his face, giving Rei her first true look at it for the first time since Ghidorah's attack, her eyes widened at the sight.

_Shinji…._

Rei stared in shock at the long, narrow scars that ran down Shinji's face. His eyes briefly met hers, and they were filled with a level of shame that she hadn't considered possible. In that moment, a million words passed between them, and Rei felt her heart ache as she reflexily took a step closer to Shinji.

When he flinched away from her, she froze, her red eyes flashing with the flames of betrayal. Feelings of hurt, pity, remorse, and loneliness swept through her all in one single, agonizing moment, and for someone who had only recently begun to experience the full range of human emotion, it was a staggering blow. Sinking to her knees, Rei felt her heart pound as a frigid numbness swept through her, chilling her bones far more than the cold air surrounding her.

_This feels….this is what it's like to feel, isn't it. He fears me. He despises me now. I bear the face of his mother, the one who inhabits the body of his Eva, and the one who brings him pain every time he enters it. This pain, this sorrow. Now I understand. This is why he ran away. I just want it to stop. Oh, please, stop. Stop._

"Stop!" Rei called out involuntarily. Shinji jumped at the sudden sound, startled by the fear in Rei's voice. "It hurts! Please, stop!"

Rei wrapped her arms around her body, and in a single instant, she was no longer a warrior who had spent the past two and a half months protecting the world from monsters. She was right back in the aftermath of the Third Impact, when she had realized just how alone she truly was. That Shinji, the one who had brought her out into the harsh world, stood by her side, and cared for her, had abandoned her, and to experience it for a second time was utterly soul crushing.

Rei didn't notice as Shinji approached her hesitantly after several moments. She didn't notice as he knelt down, and she didn't notice as he wrapped his arms around her. Even as he pressed her to him, and even she heard the faint beating of his heart through the several layers of clothing keeping them both warm against the icy world, Rei still didn't comprehend that Shinji was holding her again.

"Rei," Shinji said haltingly, his voice thick with fear. "It's okay."

Rei slowly lifted her head up, and when she looked into Shinji's familiar eyes, it was as if he had never left. She saw doubt, self-loathing, but most of all, care, and for a brief moment, she forgot everything that had happened. It was a fleeting moment, but when it passed, Rei's vision sharpened, and she brought herself back to reality.

"Shinji?" Rei whispered. "Why did you leave?"

Shinji looked away, and Rei caught a glimpse of shame cross his face.

"I'm sorry," Shinji said softly, sounding utterly broken as he said it, like he had accepted total defeat. "I'm so sorry Rei. I ran away. I said I wouldn't leave you, yet I did. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry!"

Even as Shinji broke down, and tears started to trail down his cheeks, Rei repeated her question.

"Why did you leave?"

Shinji didn't answer for several long moments, and as the snowfall around them began to pick up, Rei wondered if he was capable of answering her. As her emotions began to calm down, and rational thought returned, the knowledge of Shinji's actions returned to Rei's mind, and she realized just how far Shinji had fallen.

_He feels remorse for his actions, but he still did them. He still left, and hurt me, and betrayed everyone in the process. We needed him, and he wasn't here. I can't afford to forget that._

"I was scared," Shinji whispered. "My mother's soul began screaming at me, and Godzilla took control. He took us away from Tokyo-3, and when he laid himself down on a mountainside, and ejected my Entry Plug, I crawled out onto the snow covered in dried blood. I'd harmed myself, and when I realized that I'd failed, I decided that I couldn't face any of you again. If I went back, I'd only face more pain, and I hate pain. I hate it, and so I ran. I ran, and ran, and ran, and ended up in this small village, where I hoped you'd never find me again."

Shinji clutched Rei's arms as he poured himself out to her, months of keeping everything bottled up inside of him shattering into a broken mess of feelings and words. She watched him in silence, her eyes wide as the boy who had helped open her soul bared his own, cracked and mutilated with the scars of years of loneliness and self-loathing.

"Even when I doubted my decision," Shinji said with a breathless voice, "I always remembered that if I came back, I'd have to face my decisions, and I'm not strong enough to do that. I'm weak, Rei. Too weak to fight anymore, and too weak to be there for you, and everyone else. I'm sorry." Shinji pulled away from Rei, leaving her feeling empty and cold as he got to his feet and stared down at her, looking utterly torn. "I'm so sorry," he said tonelessly. "I can't help you. Not anymore."

With that, Shinji turned to walk away. In the span of a single second, Rei sat frozen, utterly dumbfounded, as a thousand thoughts crossed her mind.

_He's running away again._

"When you said you loved me," Rei called out suddenly, causing Shinji to freeze midstep. "Did you mean it?"

Shinji didn't turn back around, but Rei could tell from his sinking shoulders that she had struck a chord.

_He wasn't lying when he said he loved me. I know that for a certainty. If I can get him to remember that, then maybe I can get through to him. That's my only chance. Whatever we had is gone now, that much is certain. But maybe the memory is enough to convince him that there's still something worth fighting for. He may not feel that way for me anymore. I'll have to accept it if that's the case, but for the sake of everyone, both he and I will have to serve more than just ourselves._

"I…." Shinji said haltingly, sounding almost like he was afraid to answer. He turned around, and when his gaze met Rei's once again, he gave in. "Yes. I did. And….I still do."

"Then come back," Rei said simply. "What we had may be gone, but that doesn't mean that we can't fix it. You left us, and it caused us pain. It caused _me_ pain. But with time, you can make things right."

Shinji looked to be at a loss for words as he helplessly shrugged his shoulders. "But how? How can I possibly earn your forgiveness?"

Rei shook her head, a tinge of disappointment crossing her face. "Shinji. I don't hold anything against you. You don't need to earn my forgiveness. Just come back, and stand by my side again. It will hurt. A lot. You'll face pain, just as I will, and just as Asuka and Misato will. But if we succeed, then billions of lives will be saved. That has to be worth something."

Shinji stared at Rei for a long time, seemingly not believing her, before finally taking a deep breath and stepping towards her.

"Rei. Why? Why are you giving me another chance?"

Rei stared at him, and for a brief moment, it was like they were meeting for the first time.

"Because, Shinji. You'd do the same for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say, it's nice to have reached a point with Rei's character where I can have her carry on long conversations, and not have it feel unnatural. This exchange, in terms of how expressive Rei is being, definitely couldn't have happened in Part I, or even Part II. Over the course of the past 80,000 or so words, Rei's opened up and grown little by little, and now, she's finally in a place where she can clearly express herself. I hope her growth has felt natural, and that her journey has been enjoyable to watch so far.
> 
> Misato's coming around as well. After growing to care for Shinji in Part I, and then becoming distant towards him in Part II, she's now accepting human interaction in a way that she always feared. She was never the main focus of the story, so her development may have gone under the radar a bit, but I hope that it was noticeable enough that her characterization here makes sense. (Also, to anybody who caught that hint way back in Part II that Misato's infertile, nicely spotted!)
> 
> And of course, in terms of Shinji, he's in a really low spot right now, but there's always a way out of the depths, and over the next few chapters, he'll be able to make efforts to redeem himself, and become the man he always could be: someone far surpassing what both his father and mother expected of him. I hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> -AlphaBeta17 (11/2/20)


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